My Lil One

The influences in my children's lives are my family, their father's family and myself and their father. A major influence is they have a bipolar mother. Sometimes life got flipped turned upside down. I can and have apologized for this. It's not an excuse but, it has affected their lives no matter how much they say it hasn't. As their mother I know it has. My family influenced my upbringing then in turn did the same for my children. My family is honest and we are blunt about whatever you ask us. Ever heard the expression, if you don't want the honest truth, don't ask! Well my family would definitely be candid. Another thing about my family, if we don't like someone we aren't fake to their face and "like" them, you KNOW we don't like you. It's that simple. "Loneliness is an emotional response to isolation. It's an anxious feeling about a lack of connection or communication with others. Loneliness and isolation are strategies the enemy uses because God designed us to love and to have relationships." There was a time in my life that I felt isolated. Allowing the enemy to come in and almost destroy relationships, not just friendships but family relationships. The carpet had been pulled out from under me and it was my manic behavior that caused most of it. I was anxious and helpless. I was even isolated from my oldest and youngest daughters for years. Talk about heartache. Until your child refuses to speak to you and other adults in their life allow it, you haven't experienced heartache or loss. Don't feel sorry for me, I tell you these things because people misunderstand each other every day. And it causes fear, anxiety, and isolation. Today, I have a full and wonderful relationship with each of my three children. In the past 3-6 years I've been blessed with the most amazing memories ever with my children. The reason the last few years have been this great is due to medication compliance. Bipolar disorder can rob you of years of memories if you allow it to do so. So I write today's blog in honor of my youngest daughter, Celeste aka Ceily. When my children started school, I taught them to handle their own conflict. Their father taught them to never put up with someone pushing them around. I believe because of these traits, Celeste is misunderstood at times. Most people who know my Ceily know that she has a tender heart underneath her "attitude". The attitude comes from being raised by a family of sarcastic know it alls who just love each other and maybe a few others. We are selective about who we associate with. Private, my dad will disown anyone if you post a picture of him on social media. It doesn't make us stuck up or unapproachable. A few of us have lived and learned the hard way that well-disposed is a great quality but not for us who are honest to a fault. Our environments shape who we are, daily. Celeste comes not from one broken home, but two. Don't judge or be sorry, during these divorces Ceily could've choose to be bitter but no she choose to get better. She refused to allow circumstances in life to determine her attitude or vision in life. Ceily comes from love and has been raised with love. Celeste is who she is. At 17, she conducts herself at the level most 25 year olds can't even handle. Get this, she pays for her own phone. Pageants, she has paid for her entry fees, make up, hair, alterations, and even her expensive dress. Yes family helped her minimally with the purchase of the dress. This girl gets what she wants not because she is unkind, mean, or insensitive. But in spite of those things because she has experienced a kind and loving world. I wasn't going to use this quote but it is so fitting of my Celeste. "Love is the flower you've got to let grow." John Lennon I tease and say I gave up on Ceily being my last child, I stopped trying. That is just a joke because her big sister has helped influence her baby sister's life. I truly believe in the "it takes a village" mantra. Hannah continues to be a major influence in Ceily's life and I'm sure it will continue to be this way. And it actually makes me proud to see them love, fight, and reconcile. Nothing like sisterly love in this world. It has been this love that has helped shape Ceily into a fierce and independent young lady. And we cannot forget her older brother, only by 18 months is he older but their connection and bond is equal to twins. Watching my children help each other and have each other's backs the way these 3 protect and encourage each other, makes my heart swell. Being bipolar, I am use to being judged and criticized because of my behavior. At this point in life, I really could care less what anyone thinks of me or my decisions. Talk about my child, judge my child, or just plain act a fool at my child; I have sat back and allowed my child to handle the situation. I am fully aware of what happened between my child and her classmate. I do have to say, my child does bring most of her issues in life to me in order for me to help her problem solve and find the best solution. Again, my children have been taught since starting school to handle their own conflict. I will only involve myself if someone is being hurt physically or emotionally. I think the only people who suffered from conflict was my child and the other child who took a bawling out from an adult. Don't worry, my fierce lil one just gave it back to the adult, not because she is disrespectful of the adult but because Ceily felt wrongfully accused. I was always told that adults need to handle conflict with other people's children by going to that parent, not the child. If I'm so laid back in my parenting that I can't be approached about what my daughter is doing to yours then you have no business coming at my child in anger and yelling at her. Good thing I take my medication because if I didn't, I would probably snatch this adult up and teach her what mean really is. No I'm not trying to pick a fight, from what I've been told the camera footage of this adult yelling at teenage girls is enough proof. I'm just tired. I'm sick of my children being misunderstood because they stick up for themselves. They have opinions. And they have been taught to believe in what they love. And to never take anyone's crap. Peer or otherwise. Celeste Dee, always keep that fierceness. I'm envious of your determination and will to succeed in life. You will go far in life because of your passion for others and yourself. To thine own self be true. You are not selfish because you live by this motto. Happiness is an inside job, first. Then you can go help make others happy. As your mother I've seen you grow into one of the God's greatest creations. Life is gonna continue to knock you down on your butt sometimes, but get up, dust yourself off, and pick yourself up and continue. Never give up. I don't think you even know what "give up" means. Thank you for continuing to make me proud of you. I love you always Lil One!